It’s Probably Nothing, But…

Answering phone calls from unknown numbers.

I know it seems crazy, but whenever my phone rings and I don’t recognize the number, my body tenses up. My mind quickly runs through a dozen worst-case scenarios. Is it a scammer pretending to be from the bank? Is anybody attempting to sell me something? Or worse, is someone calling with bad news? A loved one was involved in an accident and died? I hate the fact that my initial response is anxiety rather than curiosity or concern.

Messages from people with whom I am not close also make me nervous. Especially if they start with “Hi, can I ask you something?” and, “I need a small favor.” My stomach sank. I begin to wonder if I can say no without feeling bad. I dislike feeling trapped, even if the request is simple. The unexpected pressure makes me wary. 

Doctors’ appointments. Ugh. My blood pressure always spikes, regardless of whether it’s a routine checkup. I have White Coat Syndrome, which means I am anxious whenever I enter a clinic. I despise the antiseptic smell, the long wait, and the remote possibility that the doctor may say something I would rather not hear. Even when I feel fine, I leave with my heart hammering.

Then there are my kids’ examination results. I keep my demeanor composed, as though I’m not emotionally involved. On the inside, I harbor a plethora of anxieties. I’m not concerned about high marks; I just want them to do well enough to feel proud of themselves. But what happens before I enter the website or read the school message? It always gets to me.

So, certainly, many things make me nervous. They aren’t dramatic, but they happen in a creepy way, where your breath shortens and your shoulders tighten. I’ve learned to deal with it by reminding myself that it’s alright to be human, especially in a world that never stops demanding something from us.